|
Brand X Versus Everything Else |
|
|
|
|
Written by Andy
|
|
Monday, 07 July 2008 |
 I'm sitting here eating some cereal called CRISP'N FRUITY RICE which is basically FRUITY PEBBLES - only it comes in a bag. Damn, I love brand X foods. They're just as good as the original (sometimes they are the exact same, just in different packaging). With the way that America's economy is going in the toilet, people like me have no choice but to penny-pinch and buy cheaper knock-off brands of food. That's just the way it is.
But, how bad is that, anyway? Using these knock-off products isn't going to hurt you, is it? How could it hurt to save 20 cents and purchase grocery-store brand paper towels. It's a paper towel - it does it's job the same as all the other paper towels. Brand X furniture polish is going to polish your furniture, too, right? If, instead of using real condoms you go out and buy ZONDOMS, won't they still catch your penis-puke? I'm just saying that name brand items are a total luxury that us Americans don't need to worry about since we're in a recession. There, I said it: RECESSION. A lot of people are afraid of that word, but that's what we're in right now. I don't need to say it again, do I? Good. Let's move on.
I've been a supporter of brand X foods ever since I went to college. It was there that I learned that paying 60 cents for a can of fake-ish tomato sauce and adding in my own spices and meat chunks was a better value than buying it like that in the store. I also learned that eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches 3 times a day for months on end won't kill you. I also discovered that my roomates - when they are incredibly drunk - will have sex with the most horrible-looking girls on the planet. Nice going, guys. Those images are ingrained in my head forever.
So what's so wrong with Brand X foods? Nothing, I tell you. Ok, maybe there's something wrong (remember that SOILENT GREEN is made from people), but I'm not sure what it is, so I'm just going to agree that Brand X is just as good for you as Brand EVERYTHING-ELSE. Go ahead, eat up on those CRISP'N FRUITY RICE and CHOCOLATTY CHIP CHAPS. They probably won't kill you any quicker than the real thing.
|
|
Last Updated ( Thursday, 03 July 2008 )
|
