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Written by Andy
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Monday, 27 October 2008 |
 Over the past month I've had a pet. It's not like I've wanted this pet. It just sort of SHOWED UP. it's a bee. Not just any bee, but a hornet. This bastard flew in one day and has been hanging around my house since. I'm assuming it's a HIM bee, so that is how I'm referring to him. It's a he. it's a dude. It's not contributing to my bills, either. All day it just flies around and soaks up my air conditioning. Fucking typical of bees. Yes, I'm racist towards bees.
So here's my options:
I could let it live in my house and watch it slowly die of a broken heart and lack of food.
I could kill it with a shoe or some sort of heavy solid object.
I could live with it and teach it cool tricks to show my friends.
I could freeze him in my freezer and unthaw him later in life when humans and bees really get along with each other.
I could build it a guitar and we could tour the Country as a duet that nobody has ever seen before.
Only one of them is the option that I want to choose. While I sit here and type, I see that he's flying around my office. He's curious what I'm doing. Should I let him know? I sure hope he can't read English. He probably only reads Russian. Fucking typical of bees.
I still don't want to be stung with his stinger, but I guess that's a chance that I need to take if I'm going to attempt to murder my pet. I feel like such a barbarian right now. I'm also feeling hot and bothered. Is this a good feeling to be feeling right now? Who knows. What I do know is this - before the day is through, one of us will be dead. The smart money is on me.
I've now come to the conclusion while sitting here that I will starve him to death. That's a cruel way to go, I know, but it's probably better than me crushing his body under the weight of my shoe, or a book, or a black dildo that was left here some time ago.
So, say your prayers bee. You're going to die. Some time soon. Some time from now. Count your days. When you meet death, tell him that I'm coming for him, too! |
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 25 October 2008 )
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