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A night in Tennessee and a Lesson in Gambling at the Gas Station |
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 01 December 2008 |
 The other night I was driving through Tennessee on the way back to my place and I decided to stop off at a local convience store and buy some lottery tickets and some scratch 'n wins. I like doing this because sometimes I just have too much money on me and I feel the need to lose some of it in ways that will help other, more powerful people. When I showed up to the check out counter, I couldn't help but notice that it was ME that was being checked out. Someone call the butcher because apparently I'm some Grade A prime cut beefsteak. Well, that's the look I was getting, anyway.
The girl working behind the counter was giving me looks that would make ZZ TOP want to write a song about it. I asked her to hook me up with some Powerball tickets as well as some LUCKY 7 scratchers. She obliged. I suppose she should have. I mean, that's her job, right? Anyways, she couldn't stop looking at me. Creepy. I wanted her to stop. I tried letting out a fart, but it just made my face scruntch up like a HEY, LET'S GET TOGETHER look. You know the one. Also, I don't think this girl would have minded if I actually passed some gas. She might have leapt over the counter and sniffed the scent. My farts smell good. That's a proven fact.
So, I purchased the tickets and scratchers. I lost on Powerball. Boo. I won my money back on the scratchers, though. Yeppee! When I went back to the counter to show the girl that I'm a winner, she started rubbing her nipples in a counterclockwise motion. She licked her lips while I explained and pointed out how I was a winner on this ticket. Ok, well, maybe she didn't do this. Maybe that was in my head. But what's not just IN MY HEAD is that the girl was staring at me. Jesus, maybe she was a zombie?! She had the same glare you might see on some sleazy porno pictures that you find online where the girl is inviting you to take a look at things that you shouldn't have permission to look at. That's the same stare I was getting from this girl. Sweetness, this was strange. I knew that if I didn't leave soon, I'd have a wife (and quite possibly some children) in an hour.
As I left the store and got into my car, I noticed that the girl had followed me out with her eyes. She was staring right at me through the window. She wouldn't unlock her gaze from me. I felt so violated! Stop staring at me, crazy girl! Sure, she was attractive in a way, but I couldn't stick around and find out if she was going to love me long time or just stab me and eat my brains. I've seen movies where that exact same thing happened. Sure, there was sex and nudity in those movies, but there was also brain eating and stabbing going on. I've still got those movies on VHS if anyone is interested.
So, I got the hell out of there. Not only that, but I got the hell out of Tennessee. It's crazy over there. I was safe and sound in Alabama before I knew it. The lesson I learned here - cute convience store girls could also be blood sucking freaks and shouldn't be trusted. Oh, but Lucky 7 Scratchers are good bets. Buy lots of them. Win your money back.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 28 November 2008 )
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