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Strangers Videos |
Cool videos and strange things found on the internet this week!
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Written by Andy
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Monday, 13 November 2006 |
 Yeppee. The staff here at the Biggest Letdown had to draw straws about who was going to talk about weed, and I drew the shortest straw. Come to think about it, I was the only person drawing straws. Fuck. I hate talking about drugs. Maybe it's because I don't do them. I don't want to lie to anyone and say "You know, when I was your age, I did a lot of stupid things that I'm ashamed of." Yeah, sure, I did some stupid things when I was younger. I'm STILL doing stupid things. One thing about me, though, is that I don't smoke pot. Hell, I don't do a lot of things. My addiction is caffeine. That shit is addictive. Just ask my doctor. I actually had to have a brain scan done on me to determine if my constant shaking was a result of a brain tumor or caffeine overdose. I'm not bullshitting. I am seriously addicted.
But this article is not about caffeine. You would have stopped reading by now if this article was not about your beloved wacky weed. I feel that I'm kind of a SQUARE un-hip dude when it comes to the discussion of smoking. My views don't follow the thinking of the youth of today. You know - those free-loader hippie types that only want PEACE in the world and want to frolic in an open field with a naked blonde Aryan girl who can't speak English (but her titties are speaking the language of love!). I'm just not into that sort of thinking - well, the girl sounds nice, but not the other stuff.
Now, I don't want you to think that I'm AGAINST smoking marijuana, either. No, I'm very much a supporter of it becoming legal. But with that being said I need to state some rules and regulations that I have with people smoking pot around me:
1.) I am going to make fun of you. That's right. I think very low of people who act like retarded 2nd graders when they are trying to ring up my order at Burger King with their eyes all glazed over. I'm also not very happy with your quirky little giggle-fits. You're acting like a moron. Straighten the fuck up.
2.) Your jokes do not suddenly become funnier when you tell them stoned. I understand that you THINK they are funnier, but they are not. It's very hard to sit through a knock-knock joke that is taking 20 minutes because you can't keep from laughing after each time you say "Knock". Just get on with the joke!
3.) Don't tell me about the clothing you can make out of hemp. Do you want me to tell you about the clothing that you can make from COTTON or SILK?
4.) Don't ask if I want to get high. I don't. If I did, I would be baked off my fucking ass right now. I'd be King of all the Pot-heads on Hemp-Mountain. But, I don't want any of your weed. Stop asking.
5.) I'm sure that some movies are only good when you are high, but I am not inviting you to see any of them with me. I will see those alone. Maybe I won't get the jokes like you will, but I'm going to take my chances.
6.) Girls don't suddenly become attracted to you because you are high. They become attracted to you because you HAVE WEED - and will probably give them some. They don't even have to show you their tits.
7.) You must have developed quite an appetite from smoking all that pot, but don't you fucking dare touch my food. I've killed people for less trouble than that, and I don't mind killing you.
8.) If you're going to smoke pot - do it with other pot smokers. Don't be the guy who shows up at the hight school chess-club meetings, trying to find new people to try it. When they're ready to be cool, they'll come to you.
9.) Stop telling me about how great Amsterdam must be - you've never been. You're never going. You can smoke weed anywhere else in the world - stop talking about Amsterdam.
10. ) Don't ever try to cook me food while high. I almost died - twice.
Those are my rules for you pot-smokers out there. I'll support you 100% when it comes time to write a bill into Congress to legalize pot, but you must obey my rules before I sign on the dotted line. Well, I'm sure that's a lot of rules for you to follow - so just think about the first 5 or so. You don't have to memorize them or anything - I'm sure you'll get around to it, some day. Just chill out and play some more video games or something. We'll talk about it later.
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 15 November 2006 )
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