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I'm the Biggest Letdown in Alabama |
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Written by Andy
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Sunday, 19 November 2006 |
 Sound the horns! Alert the presses! I have been officially rejected from a trendy night club in Huntsville, Alabama. “What’s that? Nooooo, you don’t say?!” Oh yes, it’s true. Apparently my charms and good looks can’t get me through the door at the one and only HORSESHOE club. Haven’t you heard that name before? Their sign resembles the Crowbar club in New York. From what all the cowboys around here tell me, the HORSESHOE is the place to really cut a rug.
 I had to stand around tonight in 30 degree weather for a good half-hour – and then get denied as soon as I got up to the front door. “You’re not dressed right to be in here” said the owner. “But I’m Harry Potter, sir!” I cried out in my boyish way. “Sorry. Please step aside.” Sure, I should have dressed up a little bit more. Also, I forgot to draw a small thunder-bolt on my forehead. That would have sealed the deal. But I did carry with me a small stick that I use as my MAGIC WAND, and I kept trying to call out spells on the bouncers.
It’s not like I wanted to go and hang out in this club in the first place. I was going to go in and find a “friend” of mine who wanted to meet up with me after work. It turns out that my night of fun soon turned into a night of disappointment. I ended up driving alone to Waffle House and eating some chocolate pie while drowning my sorrows and my appetite with some orange juice. Hey, I DID almost see a fight break out in the booth next to me. That was pretty interesting. Apparently Mexican-Americans don’t like to hear racist remarks from drunken rednecks at 1:30 in the morning. A word to the wise: some Mexican-Americans can speak perfectly good English and can understand everything you say about them under your breath. Be warned.
Ok, ok, back to the club incident. While I was freezing my ass off in the cold, waiting to get into the club, I noticed that people who have to stand in lines for long periods of time can end up making friends with each other. We all became a weird sort of family while we froze together. Some of our family stuck together and waited as long as I did, while others gave up early on in the battle and went home. Hell, there were some hot girls waiting in line with me. I should have just taken them home with me. That would have given this story a much happier ending. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I wonder if there’s some sort of club for people who are constantly being rejected from bigger clubs. You know, like a Biggest Letdown club. That would be pretty cool. It would be for all those people who just can’t make it in the hippest and coolest night clubs (like the Horseshoe).
I just realized that I’m giving away a lot of free promotion to the HORSESHOE club and they never let me inside their fine establishment. Maybe all of this publicity will help them see the error of their ways. WHEN A HUGE MOVIE STAR LIKE ME COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR, YOU’D BETTER LET HIM (ME) IN!!! I’m Harry Potter, damn-it! |
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 19 November 2006 )
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