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Britney Has finally Hit Rock Bottom |
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Written by Andy
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Wednesday, 21 February 2007 |
 Unless you live under a rock, or you are one of the very (very) few people in this world that don't care about US Hollywood celebrities, then you've probably heard about Britney Spears and her downward spiral into depression and what-have-you. Personally, I'm excited. I have been waiting for this moment for that past 9 years... BRITNEY SPEARS HAS FINALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM!!!
 When Britney hit the billboard charts at the tender age of 16 I wasn't a fan. I was against manufactured music groups and I was certainly against teeny-bop stars who didn't understand the words they were being paid to sing. Fuck Britney Spears. I told a close personal friend of mine (at the time) that I was going to rejoice on the day she fell from her land of Milk and Honey and landed on Dirt-Street - next to the rest of us. I waited and I waited. I stood by patiently and tried not to crack a smile when she originally started slipping.
Remember when she married her friend in Las Vegas for a weekend? That was pretty classic. I must admit that I got my hopes up at that point, but still I waited in the shadows. I knew the end would come - sooner or later. And now, it has. Miss Spears has two kids. She's divorced twice. She can't control her weight. She hangs out with Hollywood sluts. Parents no longer think that she's a good influence. And - to throw a little bit of acidic icing on the cake - she's shaved her head bald!
What the hell are you thinking??? Nevermind the reports of her checking into and out of rehab. Forget the several pictures of her twat floating around the internet. Hell, forget even the VIDEO clip that has surfaced of this fine young lady giving head to her ex-husband. But please don't forget about the statue made her her giving birth to her first son WHILE KNEELING ON ALL FOURS ON TOP OF A BEARSKIN RUG AND HOLDING THE BEARS EARS!!!
Yeah, we're not going to forget you, Britney. There's just too much for us to forget about. You've blown it. You've blown your ex-husband and let us watch. Your TV show bombed worse than Rosie ODonnell's comeback on the View. You won't be clawing your way out of this one. You've had it. You're done. Welcome back to the real world. The smell of shit is far sweeter on this end of the spectum.
 But, I can't really judge a shaved-head girl too harshly. I like shaved heads. Bald is beautiful, right? You don't have to be a skinhead or Neo-Nazi these days to pull off a buzzed hair-do. There are about a handful of models and celebrities who made headlines with their non-existent hair choice. I personally like it. Hell, I wouldn't kick Sinead O'Connor out of my bed.  And I've had plenty of dirty thoughts about Natalie Portman when she showed a little "scalp" for the movie V. If I had my way, I'd shave plenty of hair off of girls and still find them attractive. I think, in fact, that I would like to shave the heads of girls while they slept in the night and then videotape their reaction. I'd be like a serial shaver! That would be great! Jesus, I'm a damn genius! Where's my clippers???
Oh, but I suppose I need to get back on track. Britney... um, you've got problems. You maybe want to start spending your millions on therapy. We won't be watching your next tour, and we certainly won't be checking out any more reality-tv show ideas you may want to pitch to the networks. You're done. Finished. Ka-put! And I am smiling.
Oh, on a FINAL NOTE, if you want a scary and fun thing to do while checking out the internet, try this: Go to a search engine (any one of them) and type in BALD GIRLS or BALD GUYS! You'd be amazed at what you can find!
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 21 February 2007 )
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